Near the beginning of 2017, I started seeing a healer and my now spiritual mentor, Eileen Hall, on a regular basis. In my time with her I’ve learned some of the most profound and life changing lessons of my life so far, and I can say with true gratitude that things have never been the same. It isn’t just that my life circumstances have shifted since working with her (although they have) but what has really been incredible is the way my outlook has changed. My subjective experience of the world has been radically updated, and now allows me to view things with clarity, depth, and intention.
The system that I was guided through showed me how tuning in to, and trusting, your heart and intuition can lead you to answers on life’s mysteries, and to the mysteries that lie deep within ourselves. Through energy healing, ritual, guided meditations and visualization, I was enabled to re-evaluate and re-envision my life. I was able to revisit my childhood and adolescence, and let go of blockages created back then that were influencing my day-to-day life now. I was able to delve in to my beliefs and subconscious attitudes towards the world, and see how these influence my perception of reality. This work allowed me to tap in to my greatest life vision for myself, and see the possibilities that lay ahead of me, and equipped me with the mental-toolkit to explore the unknown in all its wonder. She showed me a whole new way to see life.
There were times where for days on end I would be elated beyond belief, and days where I turned up emotionally charged parts of my past, and faced difficult truths. A lot of what we worked through was deeply rooted trauma from my life and the emotional baggage that had been left behind, as well as the state of uncertainty I’d been left in from it. What I go in to here only scratches the surface of the learning I went through in this time. Doing this sort of inner-work isn’t necessarily easy, but as I’ve said time and again throughout my writing, the reward is immeasurable.
“It’s not falling apart – it’s new, it is creation. I welcome the mystery”
At the beginning of our sessions together, I had recently made some big life changes. I’ll go in to all that more when I get round to telling you my own story – but suffice to say, things had gone through quite an upheaval. One of the big shifts in perspective that came early on is captured in the quote above – something I came out with during a session, which Eileen noted in a journal where we documented the work we were doing. It was a stark realization: that all the changes, all the upheaval in my life at that time, was nothing but creation. I wasn’t losing anything, nothing was falling apart – my life was falling in to place, whether I knew it or not.
We would talk through whatever issues or topics surfaced on the day, as I generally had little idea where things would go. There was a spontaneous flow, and it was often impossible to predict where we would end up, but it always felt like things would come up just as they needed to. Eileen works as much with physical symptoms of the body as what’s going on in your head, so things like the pain in my back (again, part of a story you’ll hear another time) and the breathing troubles I have would come in to conversation. The link between the mental and physical, or the mind and body, is much more intricate than most people seem to assume – this was a powerful lesson I learned through our sessions. I later researched the work of Bruce Lipton, who goes in to this subject in depth through his theories on the biology of belief.
I had time to look in to my relationships with other people in my life, and not just the relationships themselves but the ways in which my perception of them, built up through the layers of my life, influences their very nature. My subconscious attitudes towards males and females, towards romantic relationships, and friendships all went under the microscope of my conscious awareness; I was brought to a much clearer understanding on all levels. I could see myself reflected in other people, and I could see how my experience provided a filter to how I perceived others. Assessing the understanding I have of myself was the most instrumental shift in changing how I see other people.
One key theme that emerged for me was the idea of life operating on levels, and in cycles. As things come in to being, things pass out of being. As you step out of one cycle, you step in to another – life is constant motion. I found myself increasingly able to view my life and the events going on around me from a higher perspective, quite literally able to see myself interacting within them. Through this more acute awareness of myself, I was more able to learn from my experience and act according to my higher virtues rather than simply reacting through subconscious learned patterns. Whether this came out in the way I would approach talking to family members, or pursuing my life’s passion, or simply sitting doing nothing. The subjective experience of life, and the intention you put in to it, can move mountains.
“It’s as much about what you create, as what you have come from”
This acting out of conscious intention in life was new to me. Sure, I knew beforehand that we are all capable of acting intentionally, and doing what we want in life – what I didn’t realise was the conceptual gap between knowing that and doing that. One of my subconscious attitudes that I uncovered around that time, and really delved in to during the work I did with Eileen, was the deterministic outlook I had in life. I felt at the time that, looking back on my life, I could see exactly why I was in the position I was in then. Why I had done all the things I’d done in my life made sense, given what had come before. I had a very X + Y + Z = ME type of outlook on life. Albeit unconsciously and unintentionally, I used this to justify, rather than rectify, anything amiss in my life.
What I hadn’t truly accepted was just how much our deliberate action in life can sculpt the path ahead and guide us in where we want to be. This notion of aligning our beliefs, values, and vision was so new to me. In words, it sounds so simple – but at the time, this shook me and made my very philosophy of life feel fragile. I was poking at what had been one of the pillars holding my beliefs in place, but which was also holding me in place and preventing me from really moving forward in life.
Life was no longer simply the sum of what had come before, but now included the yet-to-be-taken footsteps that lie ahead of you. This concept really came in to play during my work with Eileen, and as I explored other things about our reality – like how malleable of a concept time is, and how meaningless much of our ‘self’ definition is – it all made more and more sense to me. I was introduced to the teachings of Alan Watts, who goes in to these sorts of notions quite deeply.
I truly feel like a new version of myself after having gone through this process, and I feel equipped to navigate a wider scope of life now that I have these mental tools. The process of growth is lifelong, and I know I can apply the same techniques I learned this past year to whatever I come by in the years ahead of me. I know the role I play in this whole game, and it excites me to think that I get to set out in to the world to do the work I am here to do.
I have a deep desire to help people, just as I’ve been helped time and time again in the past. Learning to love, care for, and help yourself and one another is one of the highest values I feel a person can achieve. When you look around it’s not difficult to find a situation in the world where people could do with a bit more love, and a bit more understanding. It is my intention to continue on this path of learning and growth, and no doubt find other teachers along the way. Eileen taught me that anything can be a teacher, if you learn to ask and receive the answers you seek. A past relationship, a rock on the beach, your dreams – they can all hold value in teaching you about life. I intend to teach and use what I have learned to the benefit of others. We are all students, and all teachers, if we are open to what we have to give, and what we can receive.